Hi Babe,
I tried to get back to a more normal today, but it was tough. Everything I did reminded me of Lola. She wasn't around when I was feeding and cleaning around the horses, the typical time when she would keep me company. I went shopping, and there was no treat for her at Tractor Supply, no smiles from shoppers at Walmart as we walked through all the departments, no going to the pet section, and no saving bags afterward for poo duty. I took apart the raised cot that I just bought and packed it up and returned it at the UPS store. I had just stocked up on a lot of stuff and have some unopened packages which I think I'll try to return, including a brand new unopened bottle of Carprofen. I didn't have to make room for her around my groceries in the truck, or worry about the heat bothering her, or any of the multitude of things I typically think about during the course of any day. I stopped by Linda's mailbox to pick up a hose splitter and her harness, which I didn't remember to get when I left. I'm missing my brand new 100' Zero G hose, but I think that must have fallen out of the back of the truck somewhere along the way. And of course, no walking. This is tough. She kept me strong after you passed, my love, she kept me busy, and without her, I'm feeling a bit unhinged, with no anchor. It's going to take time to get used to this new "normal." I got back from shopping around 4:00, and once I put everything away, including horse feed and propane tanks, I just didn't have the energy to do anything else. Vegged out on brainless TV and bourbon for the rest of the evening. I miss you more than ever, I guess I'm feeling more along than I have been for awhile, but tomorrow I'm determined to give the horses a bath. They're covered with some sort of sap on their faces, dirt on their legs, and bot eggs. Then I'll start to tackle cleaning the trailer from top to bottom. Gotta try and keep busy for awhile. Heading to shower and bed soon. Love and miss you, my darlin'! Good night!
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