Archives for October 2026

Hi Babe,
I tried to get back to a more normal today, but it was tough. Everything I did reminded me of Lola. She wasn't around when I was feeding and cleaning around the horses, the typical time when she would keep me company. I went shopping, and there was no treat for her at Tractor Supply, no smiles from shoppers at Walmart as we walked through all the departments, no going to the pet section, and no saving bags afterward for poo duty. I took apart the raised cot that I just bought and packed it up and returned it at the UPS store. I had just stocked up on a lot of stuff and have some unopened packages which I think I'll try to return, including a brand new unopened bottle of Carprofen. I didn't have to make room for her around my groceries in the truck, or worry about the heat bothering her, or any of the multitude of things I typically think about during the course of any day. I stopped by Linda's mailbox to pick up a hose splitter and her harness, which I didn't remember to get when I left. I'm missing my brand new 100' Zero G hose, but I think that must have fallen out of the back of the truck somewhere along the way. And of course, no walking. This is tough. She kept me strong after you passed, my love, she kept me busy, and without her, I'm feeling a bit unhinged, with no anchor. It's going to take time to get used to this new "normal." I got back from shopping around 4:00, and once I put everything away, including horse feed and propane tanks, I just didn't have the energy to do anything else. Vegged out on brainless TV and bourbon for the rest of the evening. I miss you more than ever, I guess I'm feeling more along than I have been for awhile, but tomorrow I'm determined to give the horses a bath. They're covered with some sort of sap on their faces, dirt on their legs, and bot eggs. Then I'll start to tackle cleaning the trailer from top to bottom. Gotta try and keep busy for awhile. Heading to shower and bed soon. Love and miss you, my darlin'! Good night!

Hey Darlin',
I always knew the day would come when I wouldn't have Lola by my side, but I never imagined it would happen this early, and not of natural causes. It's disconcerting the number of decisions I've always subconsciously made because of her. I didn't roll out my runner carpet last night, because it was more for her to have traction on the floor rather than me. I didn't have to take out my keys from the ignition on my truck, because I was worried she's step on the power locks and lock me out, which she had done before. I didn't have her to lick my plates clean before I washed them. I didn't have to decide whether to leave the door open or closed based on whether it was safe for her to go in and out overnight. I didn't have to plan a walk for her, which is something I'm going to have to adjust so that I don't give up my walking schedule (maybe take Apollo?). So many decisions I've been making for so long, it's just difficult to comprehend that I don't have to make those any more. I've had dogs since 1990, usually two at a time, and for the first time, I'm dog-less. It's going to be a tough transition. When I got up this morning, I quickly packed and moved out to Lost Corral, the nearest horse camp I know. I just couldn't stay here, it's just too hard. Forty minutes later, I was working my way around the loop, trying to find one that would allow me to use my Starlink. I settled on site 17, but once I moved in, I found the area by the highlines to be utterly filthy, like nobody had cleaned up after numerous horses, for numerous nights. What is WRONG with people! How can anybody think that's acceptable? Disgusting! I spent more than half an hour cleaning, and only got it about half done, but enough to use one post and a tree to highline them. I had to cut a small stump off to clear it out. I'll get around to cleaning the rest later, though I'm disgusted that I have to do it. The horses are covered with some kind of sap and a bunch of bot eggs, so a bath and some TLC tomorrow, hopefully. I managed to get a load of laundry done, but was disappointed that the spigot next to me isn't working properly, the diverter isn't working, so unless they replace it (I called to complain), I'm going to have to find another spigot and refill my truck tank, which was not part of my plan. I can't find my brand new 100' Zero G hose, nor Lola's expensive new Help 'em Up Harness, so that's disappointing. It's been a pretty crummy day all around. I felt so tired and depressed I was nodding off this afternoon. Fixing my recliner is another chore, and I plan on doing a thorough clean of the whole camper while I'm here, if I can harness the energy. Feeling pretty low on energy right now, understandably. My new generator is smaller, only puts out 30W instead of 50W and is louder than my old generator. So a major step backward. Why make a generator that's louder? Doesn't make sense. Did I mention they shorted out my two golf cart batteries during their repair? Then they replaced my Trojans with NAPA Deep Cycle, and when I learned that, I had a fit. There's no comparison between the two, and I insisted they replace apples with apples, and eventually, they did. Trojans are far superior to NAPA, which with my kind of usage would only last a year or two, vs. Trojans that last 7-9 years, even though they're only slightly more expensive. So the only plus of the whole generator episode (which cost me over $8000, btw), was that I got a new set of Trojan batteries at no cost to me. More stuff happened that was frustrating, but that's enough complaining for one day. Not a good day. I have a long list of stuff to do, and I'm not very enthusiastic about any of it at the moment. Hoping to have a better night sleep and feel better in the morning. Good night, sweetie! Love you!